Thursday, March 6, 2014

Things I Hoard

I feel like (I hope?) that most people are secret hoarders on a moderate level. You know who you are—secretly earmarking things away “for later,” buying stuff because “you never know when you might need it,” and flat out collection hoarding. I do all three of these things. Some people hoard to the extreme and make it on TLC, but like most of us, I am a quiet hoarder.

Not my apartment. I googled "hoarding" for a lil' visual.

Hoarding has always been my tendency, regardless of how many times per year I proclaim that I am “purging like there’s no tomorrow!” I kid you not, I said that last week and the only thing I could justify getting rid of was a nude bra two sizes too small that I probably wore to my senior prom. The hoarding becomes a problem for me because I am a renter living in a tiny apartment. Like it’s maaaaaaaybe 800 square feet on a fat pants day. So I hoard things and then I have NO PLACE TO PUT THEM. I have taken on many strategies to solve my storage problems (none of which involve changing my hoarder habits). For instance, I still have a bunch of crap at my parents’ house in my old room. Most of my collection of t-shirts live there, which I justified to my mother by saying that when I come spend a night at my parents’ house, I will need something to wear the next day so as to avoid the walk of shame. Some of my craft stuff I force my roommate to let me store in our coat closet because someday I might decide to knit him a hat, and he doesn’t have that many coats anyways. #sorrynotsorry

If you saw my apartment, you’d quickly notice that I am a huge hoarder of clothes and shoes. I am a pack rat and I love thrifting, so I have a lot of stuff. However, I feel it is safe to assume that most of us (women) hoard clothes and shoes. I can't be alone in this. And if you don’t…well good for you. Please explain your life to me, since I am trying to become more like you.

Long story short, I am a hoarder and a big jerk who takes advantage of my nice friends and family to hide my collections I can’t seem to part with, no matter how small the apartment. Here are three of my most embarrassing/weirdest hoards:

1.     Kennedy stuff

So given the name of this blog, I clearly have a bit of an obsession with the Kennedys, and Jackie in particular. I have become a whole hog hoarder of all Kennedy memorabilia. In the spirit of full disclosure, I thought I would count the number of Kennedy books I own: 44. 

This count does not include newspapers, magazines, scholarly articles, art, paper doll collections, or albums OR the vast number of Kennedy photos I have illegally downloaded on my computer. However, the vast majority (and I mean all but maybe two) were either bought at Half Price Books, thrift stores, or given to me as gifts. This is, of course, an attempt to make myself sound less insane but this is the cold hard truth. 

This is the collection I received as a Christmas gift this year from my cousin's BFFs. See? It's kinda my thing. Even my cousin's friends know.

I own 44 books about the Kennedys and it is not my job to own these books, I do not currently do any work with them, and have only read a small portion of them cover to cover. But I own them nevertheless. Hoarders unite.

2.     Pasta noodles and sauce

First of all, I always seem to have a coupon or a Cartwheel for pasta fixins' and I always feel better knowing I can “just make some pasta” if I am too lazy to make an actual dinner. Remember, I hate to cook. Pasta was something I could make at age 11 and I still eat it on the regular to this day.

Sidenote: I am literally so lazy that me “just making some pasta” means zapping the sauce in the microwave and spending 15 minutes googling ways to cook pasta without having to boil water or use the stove. Then I begrudgingly make said noodles with sauce, and the whole ordeal takes more time than making a non-pasta dinner ever would have. End rant.

So when I’m at Target, I always seem to come home with at least one box of pasta or jar of sauce (usually one of each). I plan on trying to give up wheat as part of my 90 Day Challenge, so maybe that will kick my hoarding as well. Although I do use spaghetti sauce with my spaghetti squash so I’ll likely still hoard that as well.

3.     Schoolwork

I am incapable of throwing anything away, as previously stated. One wouldn’t think that I would need to save schoolwork from 9th grade-college, but I have saved it. Most of it, anyways. First, I started saving it so that I could pass on my notes to my sister (who is three years younger than me). I am a generous cheating soul. I would like to point out that my notebooks came very handy for her for AP US History and AP Statistics. I saved almost all of my college work and notebooks because when I was in college, I was planning on becoming a professor someday, and I would want to have my notes with me because most college professors teach off of their notes from an 8:00 class their freshman year (also known as sleeping hour). NOT. No matter, I haven’t been able to let any of it go, since I am planning to go to graduate school and you never know when your Spanish conjugations from sophomore year might come in handy. This is all stored at my parents’ house, since they have the room, and I don’t think they know that I have actually hoarded as much as I have. 

One of my main issues with hoarding is that I CANNOT SAY NO TO FREE STUFF. 
(no matter how sketchy)

If someone is giving something away, or offers me something they no longer use or like, I WILL say yes, pretty much across the board. My absolute favorite thing is when one of my friends (all of whom are more stylish than I am) is cleaning out her closet and lets me sort through (read: take all of) her rejects. It is the best thing ever. If you are ever about to donate a bunch of stuff, PLEASE let me sort through it first so I can hoard it for myself :)

What kinds of things do you hoard, consciously or unconsciously? Please tell me I'm not alone.