Saturday, February 22, 2014

Secret Single Girl Behavior

In the midst of a rough week professionally, I came across a great post over on Helene In Between that really spoke to me: Helene had a guest poster who wrote about what kinds of things she does when she has a fiancĂ©-less night. Well that’s basically every night for me, since I am as blissfully single as they come. In her post, Amanda writes about Carrie Bradshaw on Sex and the City’s notion of “Secret Single Girl Behavior.” SSGB, for Carrie, consists of eating Chinese food everyday (and gaining no weight), staying up late (and still looking rested and gorgeous), and buying lots of new shoes (with her seemingly endless supply of moolah). My SSGB (also known as my day-to-day life), of course, is not quite so fabulous.


1.     Going to bed in the 9:00 hour

But for real, this means as early as I can possibly swing it. Not gonna lie, on Tuesday night, I was in bed by 8:20 after waking up at 5:00 to workout before work (I did watch a few episodes of New Girl before actually going to bed). I am as lame as they come, but my favorite thing about being on my own schedule is that I can go to bed as early as I damn well please and nobody can judge me for it (well, except for my roommate, parents, and all my friends). But for real, I have to be at school really early and teach four year olds all day. Sister needs her sanity sleep.

2.     Never cooking

Y’all know I hate cooking like no other. I feel like when you are in a relationship, it is expected and even *eyeroll* cute to do this with your significant other. Well, as cute as watching me sweat, swear, and screw up recipes can be, I really enjoy that when I am single, I don’t need to cook for anyone. All my friends are poor too, so we rarely cook for each other. This means that if I want to eat a frozen burrito three nights in a row, the only person who knows is my waistline.

3.     Girls night errrr’night

Luckily, I have some very wonderful girlfriends and we all have nothing but time for each other. I love that I don’t have to prioritize my time. I can be with my girlfriends doing really awesome stuff as much or as little as I please, and still have time left over for my family and myself. Even if it’s just a trip to Target on a Wednesday night, I love that I can spontaneously call up one of my friends and beg her to come with me.

4.     Burning through Netflix like it’s the only way into heaven

Everybody loves Netflix. Well, I am a Netflix fiend and have burned through lots of (embarrassing) shows and movies. It’s what I watch when I attempt to cook, before bed, and while I eat my breakfast alone at 6:00 am. Parks and Recreation keeps me sane, okay? So I love that because I don’t have anyone I’m watching shows with, I don’t have to wait for anyone and if I want to watch nine episodes of New Girl in one sitting, there is no one around to judge me. Or if I want to get SUPER into Gossip Girl at age 24 and talk about Chuck and Blair as if they are my actual friends, no one needs to know.

5.     Sleeping like an OCD eagle

I love cuddling like nobody’s business. But when it is time to sleep, I need my space. I have some OCD sleeping ticks (self-diagnosed, obviously), such as needing my sheets tucked in at the bottom and liking three pillows until I start falling asleep and then cutting back to just my favorite one. I can take up as much or as little of my bed as I so choose, and can wake up at the buttcrack of dawn without the fear of disturbing anyone. I enjoy a little spread eagle action every now and then, and it’s nice to not have a blanket or space hog in my bed.

6.     Instagram stalking really embarrassing celebrities

For instance, I just spent 15 minutes stalking Kevin and Danielle Jonas on the Insta while I was in the middle of writing this post. No shame. Another pre-bed ritual of mine is Instalking to my little heart’s desires, which typically includes celebrities that may or may not include a Kardashian or two, Macklemore’s fiancĂ©, or maybe a Modern Family star. Although I suppose cuddling would be awesome before sleep time, I am totally cool with my nightly embarrassing cyberstalk.

7.     Blog like it’s my job

When I’m single, I have more time to spend in coffee shops blogging/people watching and buying myself fattening treats. I can spend a Saturday holed up at Caribou writing, planning, and looking out for hotties that can become the one to make my SSGB obsolete. Just kidding on that last one. In all seriousness, I love writing, processing, and finding creative things to fill my brain with and I spend far too much time blogging and/or planning to blog.

8.     Being dirty

I know, I know, this makes me sound like a filthy hippie, but hear me out. I shower often enough, but I find it very unnecessary to shower everyday, ESPECIALLY on days when you haven’t worked out. Seriously, unless you work in a tar pit, your body simply does not get that dirty during a day’s work. ESPECIALLY on the weekends, I enjoy a showerless day or two a week, because I’m the only one who will face repulsion at my stench. Also, occasionally, if I’m super lazy, I don’t brush my teeth before I go to bed. Don’t tell my dentist on me, but if I get home late, sometimes I forget. I’m a dirty mongrel, but it just goes with the SSGB as far as I’m concerned.

What are you SSGB's??? Or is everyone out there married....